Castiel's First Choice
by Vicky Strife
Summary: Season 5, Dean and Castiel "What were you dreaming about ?" scene. English version. I'm not a native speaker, so if you find any fault let me know :-)


- Dean Winchester… I let you come down of your bracket if you accept to take this razor blade your turn, proposed again Alastair.

An awful smile revealed his yellow teeth and the evil brilliance of the knife was shining in his gray eyes. Dean laughed bitterly and his exertions rattled the chains which pierced his body.

- Your proposal, you can put it in your ass ! he spat out with great difficulty.

Alastair smiled and the hunter knew very well what was expecting him. Again, the demon cut him into pieces, carefully, while the human was screaming in pain and rage. When the torture was over, his body was rebuilt by magic, flocking parts one by one, his bones back to their original positions and the wounds closed quickly. But every time this strange process happened, he knew that a part of his soul was dying and that feeling sank him into a beyond-words distress.

Alastair left him alone after a grin of insane ravishment. The broken man he was allowed himself to cry.

Dean woke up, sweaty and breathless. He rejected out of bed the dingy yellow sheets of the motel where he and Sam had stopped for the night. "It was only a nightmare ..." he repeated himself mentally, but that didn't cut down on the frantic beats of his heart. He wondered a second where the hell Sam was and regretted his absence. Recently, he had more difficulty in recognizing his brother... He'd changed so much. No, they both had changed. Lying down on the side, he prayed for everything to be like before, when they didn't have to deal with the angels and their stupid Apocalypse ...

He suddenly felt a presence in the room, a small rustle of wings and a slight displacement of air in his back. The hunter knew even before looking back that Castiel was there. The angel was sitting on the edge of the bed and looking at him, smiling, almost absently, as he said with his gruffy voice:

- Hello, Dean. What were you dreaming about ?

The concerned one looked up exasperatly and sat down on the opposite side of the bed, smoothing his leather jacket, without answering. He didn't want to talk to anyone, not even with the feathered ass who'd saved him from Hell. Or maybe couldn't he, or the weight of reality would finish destroying him ?

He shuddered at the idea and grabbed the bottle of Scotch that was never far from him, hoping fervently that alcohol would muddle up his horrible memories till' making them disappear. When he loudly laid the alcohol on his bedside table, he realized that Castiel was now sitting beside him, hands on knees and staring at him worrily.

- Dean ... You should stop drinking.

- Shut up, Cas.

If the angel had dared to sigh, he would sure have. Instead, he continued to look at the human he was in charge with his dark blue eyes, a deep wrinkle bringing his eyebrows closer. Dean's green eyes lingered on his pink tightened lips, when their owner used to be in full reflection. He suddenly realized the strangeness of this act and looked away. "It's your buddy, you moron!" he rebuked himself mentally.

- Dean ..., reiterated the angel, I am not able to understand how you feel, but I can listen.

Dean let out a deep sigh in front of his insistence.

- I'd like to be like you! he shouted before cursing himself for missing an opportunity to shut up.

The angel's sapphires scrutinized him inquisitory.

- I do not understand.

- It's simple, Cas. I want to be like you, to feel nothing ... Not to feel all that pain anymore!

It looked a little too much like a supplication . Castiel put a hand on his left shoulder, right where he had left his mark forever and only watch him with affliction. Dean hated this kind of demonstrations oozing compassion and pity, but with Cas that was different, he accepted it because he knew deep down that it was his way to show him how much he was supporting him.

- What makes you say that I do not feel anything? replied the angel.

Dean didn't know what to say.

- Well... you're a soldier of God without free will.

Castiel's face was still coming closer to Dean's, which made him forget about personal space as his breath caressed his cheek.

Dean, I gradually started to develop human emotions. I'm happy when you laugh, sad when you cry ... And there are many other feelings I have not even glimpsed the depth. (He smiled). Unfortunately, this is not always easy to control, but it is much better than feeling nothing at all, I assure you. If I could change the past, I wouldnt change anything.

Dean suddenly felt guilty for having spoken so bad to him and wanted to cry. A wish that came true when Castiel drew him against himself and hugged him. The hunter sobbed miserably in the angel's beige trench coat as the second patted his back hesitantly. He had never allowed himself to be so emotional, and especially not in front of Sammy. He was the big brother, after all.

After his last tears, Dean rose quickly and wiped his nose with the back of his sleeve. "What a shame," he said to himself.

- Keep it to yourself, ok ?

- I promise.

He smiled gratefully at Cas, who smiled in return. Dean suddenly realized he wanted to kiss those stretched lips. Without realizing it, he moistened his, like before biting into a burger with extra bacon. The angel noticed that his emeralds were making the lift and made one of his first choices.

- Dean... Can I try something ?

- Uh... yeah, but what?

The angel dindn't answer; he just put his mouth on the hunter's, as he had seen him doing with Anna. He felt the kiss gave him chills, before he shivered his turn with his whole being. It was a pleasant and also unpleasant feeling, as if an electric current connected their two bodies. He jumped slightly when Dean grabbed his blue tie to press his tongue against his teeth, until he realized he had to loosen his jaws to let him in. His heart was beating at high speed and knocked almost painfully against his chest, while an unusual warmth invade his groin. He felt the blood flowing and grabbed Dean's hair, moaning softly. This seemed to please him; he climbed on his laps without ceasing its languorous kisses. Castiel threw his head back, getting overwhelmed by a lot of disturbing sensations, eyes closed. He suddenly felt the icy fingers of Dean pass under his shirt and slowly getting their way to his crotch.

A flash of reason crossed the angel's mind. What he was doing with Dean was wrong. He was sinning. He clapped his hand on Dean's chest and sent him on the other bed with a bewildering force. He looked for Cas's shifty eyes, stunned by his violent reaction.

- I'm sorry, Dean, the angel said.

Then he literally vanished. The hunter stood still for a moment before laughing out.

It was the first time he saw him blush.


End file.
